Years ago, when I first moved to Florida, my then-boyfriend took me out to look for cage furniture. We needed pieces of dead wood, curled tubes of bark, odd bits of driftwood, clumps of moss, the sort of item that helps turn a cage from "pathetic" to "that'll do."



The boyfriend was living in north Tampa, not too far from wooded areas and the Hillsborough River, and he was a herper (required) so I was pretty sure he'd know good areas to look.

On that day, we parked by SR 301 (then a tiny two lane) and walked into the woods. We had really good luck and within a few hours our arms were laden with exactly the right sort of stuff. I said OK, let's head back. My boyfriend looked at me as if I suddenly was speaking German. "Head back?" he said. "Which direction?" A short silence followed while I just l looked at him. He gave a short embarrassed laugh. "The last time I did this, I had to spend the night and then find my way out by the sound of traffic."

I thought, this was the all-time clumsiest effort at seduction I have ever seen. Spend the night in the woods indeed, and there's not even a tent? Was this guy for real?